The Culturally Inaccurate Kid

I have to admit, I am 99% stoked to go see the remake of one of the seminal movies of my youth, "The Karate Kid." But that remaining one percent is really bugging me. 

Let's set the stage, and while we're at it, set the way back machine for 1984.

As a skinny kid who moved from the East Coast to   California about five years before and was handed his share of bullying and embarrassments courtesy of his accent and uncool ways, the original flick starring Pat Morita, Ralph Macchio and pre-"Leaving Las Vegas" beauty, Elisabeth Shue was pretty much my own fantasy brought to film. Oh, and did I mention that the pre-pubescent version of yours truly also studied martial arts for several years (three years of Judo, one year of Tae Kwon Do) and used to frequent the specific water slide/arcade where Macchio and Shue had their first date.

None of the sequels had the same effect on me as I grew older (but Macchio never seemed to). By the time Mr. Miyagi was training Hillary Swank, there was no more mojo left in the dojo.

 However, a "non-remake remake" called "Never Back Down" started playing on cable about six months ago, featuring the same plotlines amped up to take place the Mixed Martial Arts world, featuring much hotter girls and much heavier fight action. It quickly became one of those awful movies that I end up watching the rest of just because it happens to be on while I'm flipping around. Sure there were ways in which this rip-off/homage departed from it's inspiration. The lead guy looked like Daniel Larusso after several years of stacking steroids with HGH, there was no evil sensei driving his young proteges to be cruel, and of course, the biggest change, which was that the protagonist's guru was big, Black and bald. Still, I think it primed the pump and got me ready for a true remake with a modern twist. 

So that brings us to the new version of  "The Karate Kid" due out on June 11th. Jackie Chan, the single most gifted martial arts performer of anyone's lifetime, takes over the Mr. Miyagi role. Jaden Smith proves he's got his daddy's post-Fresh Prince DNA and Jean-Claude Van Damme's flexibility starring as the youthful hero who finds himself moving to China ( which looks far more intimidating than Encino, for the record.) The fighting and training scenes make the 1984 version look like a puppet show, the cinematography is beautiful and the plotline feels much more menacing than a bunch of bandana-wearing Valley Dudes ever did. Take a look.

Did you watch it? Kick ass, right? So what's the problem?

Nothing, except the fact that the kid is learning Kung Fu. KUNG FU!!! Like the Panda movie with Jack Black. That's what they do in China. Karate is Japanese. In fact, during the first trailers I saw, they actually reference the fact that what the kid is learning is Kung Fu. Someone must've cried foul because it's out now... but believe me, this is a Karate-free movie.

Why the hell isn't it just called "The Kung-Fu Kid?"

Did the original writer of the 1984 movie, Robert Mark Kamen, hold a legal claim that insisted on keeping the title? Did the studio think that fans of the original wouldn't make the connection unless the title was the same? Has Asian Fusion cuisine blurred the lines so severely that we can no longer distinguish the cultures?

Look, I'm happy to look past small inaccuracies and plot holes if I enjoy a movie. We all know that someone must have batted out of order in "Major League" to get Jake Taylor up to bunt in the 9th. Whatever.

But this is the title of the movie. You can't remake "Titanic" and have everyone on the S.S. Andrea Doria. Don't re-imagine "Roman Holiday" and set it in Vegas or Rio. You wanna take a shot at a modern day "On The Waterfront" and set it at an airport customs warehouse? Fine, but call it "I Could'a Been a Contender." 

Will I let this one small, but consequential detail keep me from seeing the movie? I dunno yet. But I will say this: if I ever find out who is responsible for misnaming the movie, I'm sweeping the leg on him or her, even if it does cost me the All-Valley Karate title.

Comments

[AJ]

Interestingly enough, Major League has one of the worst continuity errors in cinema history... or what I call "Fat Guy Celebrates" - might just blog about that one myself next week.