Shawn Peters: No Pun Intended

Totally Uncoordinated

While the title of this blog post could certainly refer to the current mood in Congress or a description of me when I get dressed in the dark... or ski... or ski in the dark, it's actually a nod to the fact that my beloved New England Patriots have announced they will enter the 2010 NFL season without an offensive or defensive coordinator. In terms of the NFL groupthink, this is akin a car manufacturer debuting a new car that doesn't have power steering or anti-lock brakes. 

On most teams, while the head coach sets the tone   for the entire roster and game plan, these coordinators quite literally lead their respective units, calling the plays they run and deciding which players are utilized, and how. So why on Earth would football czar Bill Belichick possibly choose this course of team management, especially when this past year the team played with no offensive coordinator on his staff, resulting in one of the most disappointing and uneven seasons in recent Patriot history? Most media outlets are focusing on one likely answer, but I'll admit, I see several other potential reasons, and can't help wondering if one or more of those couldn't be in play. So here they are, from popular opinion to the farthest fetched hypotheticals in roughly descending order. You decide which you think apply.

Jets vs. Colts: Root for What's Right

Ring... Ring... Ring...

"Hi, you've reached Shawn. I'm not in right now because I'm in hell. The two football teams I hate more than any others are playing each other for the AFC championship on Sunday, and unless I'm going to rip open a portal in the space-time continuum and find an alternate universe where the Patriots are still a dynasty, I'll have to root for one of these teams to win. Please leave your name, number, and the address of a good massage parlor where I can work out my frustrations on Sunday night."

Beep!

 Watching the Colts and Jets duke it out for the AFC title is going to hurt either way, unless pieces of the dome's roof start crumbling and falling on both teams during pre-game warm-ups. But here in New England, there has been a lot of sports-talk radio chatter about who we, as fans of the Patriots, should be rooting for.

There are those who despise Peyton Manning, Bill Polian and the entire Colts franchise because they have been, over the past decade, our team's greatest obstacle. Manning steals Tom Brady's thunder more and more often in the "greatest current QB" discussion, while Polian's whining of how "physical" the Patriots were with Marvin Harrison (back when he was a receiver and not a shooting suspect) elevated him into full-blown "reviled" status from Connecticut to Maine. 

Day 5 - CritiSchism

If I said to you, "That pasta you made last night was amazing. The scallops were seared perfectly, the asparagus was firm, but tender, and the sauce was absolutely delicate. It was so good, I almost cried when there wasn't enough for seconds." How would you you feel? 

Good? Flattered? Proud? Or would you have  a gnawing feeling that what I was really saying was, "You didn't make enough food and I left the table hungry."

The fact is, people hear what they want to hear, and when it comes to anything critical or, God forbid, negative, it's sometimes all they hear.

Case in point. The Boston sports world is abuzz after the Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessey, a well known controversy-monger, wrote an article about the team's star first-slash-third baseman, Kevin Youkilis. It started out being about the popular player's versatility, but halfway through, it became a quote-fest of Youkilis criticizing the fans and media in Boston for being negative and reactionary. This, from a guy who sounds like he's getting booed every time he comes to the plate, but only because 35,000 people are cheering "Yooooooooooouuuuuuuuuk!" This is not a guy who is disliked by one but Yankee fans, and who cares what they think.

Day 23 - Diamond Hope

Did the Red Sox's season end in the wee hours of this morning when Alex Rodriguez hit a game-winning, 15th inning homer at 12:42 AM?

Mathematically, the answer is no. Metaphorically, the answer was YES (as in the call letters of the Yankee Sports Network), at least from Red Sox Nation's point of view.

With 54 games left, the Sox theoretically have plenty  of time to turn around their latest skid, get healthy, and catch the Yankees. But there is no reasonable fan of the Olde Towne Team who can possibly look at the current roster's current play and believe this is going to be a special year for Boston's nine. They have too many injuries, too many failed experiments, and too many good teams who are playing at a high level to pass. Their loss last night wasn't a the dagger that killed them, but more of a microcosm of the fact that they aren't getting the breaks (or making the breaks) that championship teams need along the way.

But notice, I said no fan of the team can believe that the Sox are bound for glory. That doesn't mean we can't hope. There's a difference.

DAY 30 - NO "I" IN BASEBALL... BUT THERE IS AN "I" IN CHEMISTRY

I couldn't be happier about the Red Sox making the deadline trade for Victor Martinez in terms of adding what the team needed most. Their line-up has needed a shot of Viagra lately, with good wood hard to find and flaccid at-bats squandering too many rallies. (In case of a hitting streak that lasts longer than 4 games, alert the media immediately.)

Martinez is a dangerous switch hitter with the ability to work counts, hit for average and provide power, and he's a guy the team won't hesitate to use at catcher, first base and DH. The only question that remains is whether the Red Sox clubhouse, famous at this point for being full of "team first" guys now that the egos of Nomar and Manny have been replaced by even-keelers like Jason Bay and Jed Lowrie, is going to rise to the occasion or sink their sterling reputation.

Day 32 - Lying in Wait

There's a moment when you have a chance to either tell the truth or lie.

Actually, there are millions of moments, but each one is an individual, special snowflake. The funny thing is that if you tell the truth, you usually only have to do so once, and if you do have to speak it again, it's easy because it's still the truth. But when  you lie, you tend to have to repeat that lie because there are cracks in it that you can't help trying to caulk on the fly. By the time you've told that one lie, not to mention lie 1.1, 1.2, 2.0, 2.1 and several other evolutions, everyone has heard it in one form or another, and telling the truth becomes embarrassing at best, and impeachable at worst.

The snowflake is now big enough for charcoal eyes and a carrot nose.

Why all the lie chat? Well...

I don't know whether David Ortiz was telling the truth when he said he never did steroids.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Manny

I can't prove there is such a thing as "karma" or "fate," but if there were a First United Church of Poetic Justice, I'd be putting some coin in their collection plate today because there's no doubt… I believe.

Why? Because Manny Ramirez is sad. Really sad.

Whether you're a Red Sox fan or just a casual follower of Major League Baseball, you've no doubt heard about the way future Hall of Fame outfielder Manny Ramirez "shot" his way out of town last July. After years of athleticism, acrimony and intermittent apathy as a member of the Red Sox, Ramirez wanted the front office to promise him they wouldn't pick up their $20 million team option on him for 2009 because his new agent, one Scott Boras, has convinced him that there was a bigger, longer, significantly more attractive offer out there for him as a free agent at the age of 36.

Stick it "Back-Up" Your... Well, You Know

In New England, when Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady went down with a season-ending knee injury this past Sunday, you could hear the collective moan go up from Rhode Island to Maine. But I understand that in the rest of the country, where rooting against the Patriots come as naturally as rooting against the Germans in a WWII movie, Brady's ligament-tearing turn on the turf was met with cheers. 

Poor form rest of America. That's Philadelphia fan stuff, right there. 

However, in the midst of the turmoil and hand-wringing, there seems to be little attention being paid to the fact that Patriots head coach Bill Belichick is truly great at two things. 1) He knows how to film opposing coaches. 2) He knows how to turn any sort of slight into turbo-charged motivation for his team. 

For years during the ascent of the Patriots dynasty (yes, it's a dynasty), Belichick somehow convinced his team that they weren't getting enough respect. Even when they were favored, he talked about the opposition as if they were some sort of modern hybrid of the '85 Bears and the '94 Niners. When they had everything but an elite receiver, the entire team rallied around the disrespected receiving corps. When the Pats were stacked everywhere except at cornerback, where they were starting guys like Hank Poteat and Earthwind Moreland, the rest of the defense stepped up so quarterbacks had no time to throw. 

Of course, the task of convincing his team that they were the underdog got much harder for Belichick as they become more dominant. One might even argue that by going undefeated in the regular season a year ago, the Patriots robbed Belichick of his greatest motivational weapon, which is why they couldn't match the intensity of the Giants in the Super Bowl. I dunno for sure. But what I do know is that Brady's injury has turned the Patriots from prohibitive Super Bowl favorites to "bubble playoff team" in many people's estimation. 

Now I'm not even hinting at the possibility that the Patriots will be a better team with Matt Cassel calling the plays instead of Tom Brady. They won't be. They can't be. But I will argue that every single veteran on that team feels like they have something to prove because they have to feel like their contribution to the Patriots' success this century is being minimized or even forgotten. I'll also bet every dollar I have wrapped up in the house I'm trying to sell that the Patriots head coach is feeding that fire like it were a hungry baby at the Gerber factory. 

One more factor, and that's the Matt Cassel story. Think about how many people would've given up their dream of being a big-time quarterback after ending up at USC behind Carson Palmer, the eventual Heisman Trophy Winner. Then consider how many individuals would've had the resilience to stick with it after his chance to start at USC and showcase his skills was deferred again by the slimmest margin when Matt Leinart won the position and also ended up with a Heisman Trophy. And finally, how many of those true few, who had persevered through all that, would still remain undaunted when drafted by a NFL franchise featuring one of the most dominant and durable quarterbacks in the history of the league. Realizing that Mr. Cassel has some quality that kept him moving forward despite all that... do you think he might be "ready" for this opportunity? Seriously. If Tom Brady famously had a chip about being taken in the 6th round, couldn't Cassel be sporting a mission of his own? 

I really have no idea what Cassel will do with his big chance. It's very possible he will come in and look like a guy who hasn't started a game under center since 1999 and the Jets will vanquish the Patriots, announcing to the world that the Ivan-Drago-esque Patriots are just a man, capable of bleeding. But maybe... just maybe... Cassel is ready for his moment in the spotlight, and he'll be efficient, poised, and do just enough for the Patriots to win on the road in the Meadowlands, upstage Brett Favre and the Jet Favres. Maybe he'll be better than Brady... not the Brady we watched last year, but the Brady we saw in 2001, who didn't throw a TD until his third start and finished the year with 18 scores and 14 games. Maybe he'll prove Bill Belichick right for seeing something special in him and sticking with him all these years. And if that happens, there's one thing I know. Another moan will go up... and this one will be coming from Patriot-hating nation, from sea to shining sea.

Tip of the Iceberg-Gate

I'm all done with the media's practice of taking any conspiracy, cover-up or scandal and adding the word "gate" to the end. 

The Watergate Scandal wasn't about a secret agreement to put tap water in Evian bottles or to kill a candidate's houseplants by withholding H2O. It was the name of the hotel where the break-in occurred. Adding "gate" is just a lazy way to avoid coming up with a real and appropriate name for the scandals of the day. Worse, it trivializes real controversies by making them sound like country club communities. Seriously, if it was revealed that Microsoft's newest operating system was a failure because of corporate sabotage on the part of Apple, we'd all be hearing about "Vista Gate" for a year. Heck, I'd love to live in Vista Gate. They have 27 holes of championship golf, banquet facilities and three community pools. 

That said, all the "Spygate" talk in regards to the New England Patriot's proclivity for taping opposing coaches (contrary to the NFL's rules) has my ass chapped both as a fan and as someone that wants to slam the "gate"isms once and for all. However, now that Matt Walsh, the Patriots' former video assistant, has spoken to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell as well as Senator Arlen Specter, it appears that the Commish and the Senator have opposing views of what happens next. Goodell says he has closure, while Specter wants to open an independent investigation. 

I'm not sure which is the right path, but I do have strong feelings about what's really going on in this whole deal. NOTE: The following is utter conjecture and meets no journalistic standard. 

What seems most likely to you? A) The Patriots are the only team that has ever taped an opposing coach and they have turned over everything the have, so the league has punished them and is ready to just move on. B) The Patriots are the main or sole transgressors in this regard and probably have many more infractions than have been let on, but the Commissioner has decided to turn a blind eye to any new findings because the Patriots are a marquis franchise. C) The Patriots, when they got caught, turned over evidence that not only incriminated themselves, but also included video of several other teams doing the same thing to them. A deal was struck wherein Goodell would take away only one pick from them and some money, destroy the tapes, and the Patriots agreed not to implicate any other teams so the NFL could sweep it all under the rug without having to punish several franchises. Personally, only C passes the sniff test for me. 

However sticky things have gotten for the league and the Patriots, surely the NFL would rather deal with this recent morass than hosting a rookie draft where a quarter of the first-round picks have been forfeited by camera-happy teams. Imagine the ugliness of Gridiron McCarthyism running through the 32 teams, with each accusing another, refusing to go down alone. It actually is one of the few explanations that makes some sense. Why does Goodell destroy the Patriots tapes? So they have no hard evidence they can use to reveal other teams doing the same thing. Why does the NFL act hostile at first and then take so many legal steps before talking to Matt Walsh? Because they want to make sure he isn't going to talk about anything but what the opposing coaches he taped for the Patriots. If he captured a few frames of other teams' video assistants, that would be bad. Why have the Patriots been allowed to keep proffering the lame alibi that they "misinterpreted" the rule? Because they can say whatever they want as long as they don't say "Everyone is doing it." 

Arlen Specter wants an investigation. He wants one bad. He's waving his Congressional powers around like they're a billy club and he's the cop. Maybe it's because he smells a rat. Maybe it's because he's from Pennsylvania and the Patriots have beaten both Pittsburgh and Philadelphia in key playoff and Super Bowl games since the cameras started rolling New England. Maybe, as some have asserted, it's because he's in bed with Comcast and the cable giant has a beef with the NFL over the NFL Network. All speculation I admit. But if Specter gets his way, and this cover up is a case of the Goodell protecting the league, rather than one team, it will surely open the flood... gates.

Curses: Foiled Again?

By now, most people know that a Red-Sox-loving construction worker on the job site of the new Yankee Stadium hid a Sox jersey in the concrete foundation of the stadium in an effort to "jinx" the pinstripes, then bragged about it. There was a fair amount of coverage on Sunday as the Yankees jackhammered the spot and pulled a David Ortiz, #34 jersey out of the ground.

If this is news to you, it's easy to catch up with a click.

Now I'm not a big believer in jinxes, curses, hexes and such (except when I was younger and was convinced the Celtics would lose to the Lakers if anyone else was in the den with me when the game was on TV.)

That said, I think the guy who dropped the jersey in the cement should rethink his ways. Big Papi has started the year 3-for-43, a .070 batting average. He's not even batting his diamond earring's weight. Maybe leaving Ortiz's jersey buried in concrete would've extended the Yankees' World Series drought (it has been since year 2000, don'tcha know?) but really, I think the petty voodoo actually backfired on Papi.

So I'm officially reaching out to Red Sox Nation. No more curses... let's just settle for being the defending World Series champs and having a better team than the Yankees. Okay? Thanks.